i.wrote.this.when.i.was.19.wow

Sooooo.I've been debating on putting this up for a looooooong time. I actually found this around the same time that I decided to start up this whole blog situation. Best part about it, i barely remember the "subject", i remember how i felt but remembering her, kinnnnda hard. but this is a poem i wrote around age 19.deeeppp.this is completely uneditted too.take.a.look.



As time passes on,
Thoughts of whether or not authentic feelings of our love ever really existed circle throughout my existence.
From times of endless smiles to now times of unanswered questions as well as an awkward period of silence
What-ifs used to run through my consciousness
Unknowing of whether everything that I sought was in you or I so deeply yearned for and gave to you undeservingly
In hindsight, things are easily understood,
As to why we do the things that we do
Your fear and my unusual feelings stand out above all else as to where we went wrong
Or could it be something as simple as a lie, a desire of one to need the attention of another with no regard for their emotional stability standing?
But it is said that that the actions of times past prove all truths to be self evident
Then yours in my life should be seen as one whose verbal requests do not correspond.
Visions of largely burning lights glimmer from your subsistence
But deep inside you, great distress and clouded thoughts of self admiration rule underneath the smiles
For it is not that a relationship was being sought out but rather a friendship that could’ve been developed
But was not for the supposed fear of feelings developed that would lead to love,
Since when is that a quandry for any man?
Never has one seen another desire so much to be loved but at the same time be so afraid of the things that that love brings.
For it is easy to seek love in one, where you see psychological dominance as an end result and can attain that with great ease
But to see one where the future with that person is the first thing that comes to mind, and deny love.
Are these actions because ones age supercedes their thought process
Endless questions of whether or not a potential love between two similar yet different souls run through my mind, thoughts that only you will ever know.
Feelings overcame my mind too quickly,
Which is not a fault of yours?
a challenge I sought and found more upside than any other situation that presented itself to me in the recent past.
The attraction of opposites and foreseen signs that let to an area of nothingness
But never has the one seen another so afraid


to be.



oh. and fyi. this was the last time i think i was nice nice to a girl -shrugs-



life.happens.