You ever feel alone
in a room full of "friends"?
Wanna let em in ya head,
but you leave em in suspense?
-rick.ross
*Disclaimer: this is gonna be all over the place so bear with me
School started for my school last week, and real talk I had ZERO desire to be there at all. It was an interesting feeling to be honest. I saw all the FB statuses and all that and really looked at it like "shit, I'm happy right where I'm at." Now I'm not the type to regret anything in my life, PERIOD. I am a firm believer in that everything happens for a reason and things happen to prepare you for your future. I def don't regret my college experience, but my last year left me with a sour taste in my mouth to say the least, real talk.
Sooooo truth be told, I could've graduated over last summer, all I needed was 7 hours plus my 15 credit internship which I could've knocked out over the summer and then did my internship in the fall, but I had the opportunity to go back to undergrad for a final HURRAH, who wouldn't? So I did. Plus it was my first real whole semester being Greek and I planned on Going IN to say the least.
There were plenty of things that the last year taught me but one major one was the importance of having real friendships (Not to say that my other friendships were fake at ALL but this friendship was different). Every other semester I was down there, I had my bro down there with me. Regardless of the situation, I knew and NEVER QUESTIONED whether or not he had my back above anything else, and he knew that he didn’t have to do any of the same either. We were both BIG CITY KIDS, we thought the same way, believed in the same things, shit sometimes dressed the same way (not like that weirdos), we both were ASSHOLES lls, were into the same things and weren’t intimidated by each other like some others were, this was my dude no decepticon. We were similar, but not the same at all, alike but not into all the same things, but friends nonetheless. But he graduated in May and moved on, I mean of course we still kept up with each other, we still do, but being there, living together all that, wasn’t what it was gonna be this semester. It took me a while to realize it but that shit is hard when you feel like its just you. For the first time in my college career, it was just me.
A lot of funny stuff happened that last semester. From "friends" blaming me for their personal shortcomings, not talking to people with no reasoning said to them, LB’s turning their backs on you “because of your relationship with a mutual friend” (i guess "Bros (literally) over Hoes" isn't universal, ehh -shrugs-), people just jumping on the bandwagon because it felt like the right thing to do, but when it really gets hard is when the one person who wants to keeps you balanced and be there for you is the exact person who has people thinking crazy about you because they can’t control who they talk to about what’s “going on” knowing that some people just can’t handle certain types of conversations because they are either going through their own “situation” or they don’t have enough mental fortitude to have their own opinion and separate their relationship with you and your relationship with that person. Package all this bullshit with losing the one person who you talked to everyday and night for at that point the last 2 years in some change too that you never thought you'd lose too? It was A L O T at one time. So I’m sure you’re wondering what happened like did I blow up or whatever like that? Nope, I helped myself get by the best way I knew how, I completely engulfed myself in resume building activities (gotta stay focused on my future) and stay as busy as possible to keep myself NOT thinking about everything that was going on. I only flipped on one person, it waws deserving though. It just really got hard being the "villian" or the "bad guy" in the beginning, but after a while like a good human, you adjust and adapt, that's just what you do. You use everything as motivation in life and this was no different, if they got upset with me because I was the way I was then I was gonna get even better.
I mean it got comical at one point. People blaming your security and positivism for their insecurity and lack of direction, and look at you like you're the bad guy b/c you have some sort of plan after college in comparison to their confusion and utter complacency with being where they are. Look and let me make one thing clear, I do not believe that we are all supposed to be "big city people" or "into the life", but what I knew about me was that that place, was not f o r m e, period, so I treated it like what it was, and maybe to some that was what they were comfortable with but it wasnt that for me. I always knew that I would leave that place and not ever want to live there, this is one reason that I was really happy that I met the type of people that I met once I came back home. Like minded, driven, focused but still have the attitude that “WE PARTY BETTER THAN YOU” too, I l-ve it. Coming from that to this has really been a GODsend. I really didn't know what to think or how it would be especially with one of my best friends in Cleveland, another in Arizona and the other (who lives in PGH) in Kuwait protecting the world.
That last year really changed helped me a lot with being comfortable in my own skin and with who i am as a person. It also impacted how I felt about a lot with college and certain people and lots of things like that and showed me the importance of friendships and family. It also showed me that no matter how good of a friend you think youre being to someone, they still have their own mind and think what they want to. Real talk, when my bro was there it was cool, I knew that good or bad we had each others back above all. I learned how to have my own back.
in a room full of "friends"?
Wanna let em in ya head,
but you leave em in suspense?
-rick.ross
*Disclaimer: this is gonna be all over the place so bear with me
School started for my school last week, and real talk I had ZERO desire to be there at all. It was an interesting feeling to be honest. I saw all the FB statuses and all that and really looked at it like "shit, I'm happy right where I'm at." Now I'm not the type to regret anything in my life, PERIOD. I am a firm believer in that everything happens for a reason and things happen to prepare you for your future. I def don't regret my college experience, but my last year left me with a sour taste in my mouth to say the least, real talk.
Sooooo truth be told, I could've graduated over last summer, all I needed was 7 hours plus my 15 credit internship which I could've knocked out over the summer and then did my internship in the fall, but I had the opportunity to go back to undergrad for a final HURRAH, who wouldn't? So I did. Plus it was my first real whole semester being Greek and I planned on Going IN to say the least.
There were plenty of things that the last year taught me but one major one was the importance of having real friendships (Not to say that my other friendships were fake at ALL but this friendship was different). Every other semester I was down there, I had my bro down there with me. Regardless of the situation, I knew and NEVER QUESTIONED whether or not he had my back above anything else, and he knew that he didn’t have to do any of the same either. We were both BIG CITY KIDS, we thought the same way, believed in the same things, shit sometimes dressed the same way (not like that weirdos), we both were ASSHOLES lls, were into the same things and weren’t intimidated by each other like some others were, this was my dude no decepticon. We were similar, but not the same at all, alike but not into all the same things, but friends nonetheless. But he graduated in May and moved on, I mean of course we still kept up with each other, we still do, but being there, living together all that, wasn’t what it was gonna be this semester. It took me a while to realize it but that shit is hard when you feel like its just you. For the first time in my college career, it was just me.
A lot of funny stuff happened that last semester. From "friends" blaming me for their personal shortcomings, not talking to people with no reasoning said to them, LB’s turning their backs on you “because of your relationship with a mutual friend” (i guess "Bros (literally) over Hoes" isn't universal, ehh -shrugs-), people just jumping on the bandwagon because it felt like the right thing to do, but when it really gets hard is when the one person who wants to keeps you balanced and be there for you is the exact person who has people thinking crazy about you because they can’t control who they talk to about what’s “going on” knowing that some people just can’t handle certain types of conversations because they are either going through their own “situation” or they don’t have enough mental fortitude to have their own opinion and separate their relationship with you and your relationship with that person. Package all this bullshit with losing the one person who you talked to everyday and night for at that point the last 2 years in some change too that you never thought you'd lose too? It was A L O T at one time. So I’m sure you’re wondering what happened like did I blow up or whatever like that? Nope, I helped myself get by the best way I knew how, I completely engulfed myself in resume building activities (gotta stay focused on my future) and stay as busy as possible to keep myself NOT thinking about everything that was going on. I only flipped on one person, it waws deserving though. It just really got hard being the "villian" or the "bad guy" in the beginning, but after a while like a good human, you adjust and adapt, that's just what you do. You use everything as motivation in life and this was no different, if they got upset with me because I was the way I was then I was gonna get even better.
I mean it got comical at one point. People blaming your security and positivism for their insecurity and lack of direction, and look at you like you're the bad guy b/c you have some sort of plan after college in comparison to their confusion and utter complacency with being where they are. Look and let me make one thing clear, I do not believe that we are all supposed to be "big city people" or "into the life", but what I knew about me was that that place, was not f o r m e, period, so I treated it like what it was, and maybe to some that was what they were comfortable with but it wasnt that for me. I always knew that I would leave that place and not ever want to live there, this is one reason that I was really happy that I met the type of people that I met once I came back home. Like minded, driven, focused but still have the attitude that “WE PARTY BETTER THAN YOU” too, I l-ve it. Coming from that to this has really been a GODsend. I really didn't know what to think or how it would be especially with one of my best friends in Cleveland, another in Arizona and the other (who lives in PGH) in Kuwait protecting the world.
That last year really changed helped me a lot with being comfortable in my own skin and with who i am as a person. It also impacted how I felt about a lot with college and certain people and lots of things like that and showed me the importance of friendships and family. It also showed me that no matter how good of a friend you think youre being to someone, they still have their own mind and think what they want to. Real talk, when my bro was there it was cool, I knew that good or bad we had each others back above all. I learned how to have my own back.
